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How the hell did I miss that?

June 14, 2013

                Have you ever experienced to feel so frustrated trying to search for the truth that you become so impatient that you lose yourself in the process, and then after all the adversities, you experience you suddenly realize that the truth, or the thing that you need the most is actually staring you in the face all along, and you are just too distracted, too stupid, too coward, and too occupied to notice it. Well, it happened to me; I have been torturing a good friend, denied him a couple of times, and hurt his feelings like there is no tomorrow until I realized that all this time, I was actually deeply and madly in love with him.

                Now I am contemplating, how the hell did I miss that? In my search for answers, I arrived in three different reasons on how I possibly missed a very important matter in my life.

Occupied

                To think about it, being occupied is not such a bad thing; it becomes adversary when you become too occupied for the wrong reasons. I claim that I was looking for the truth, but I spent my time with the wrong people. I have been in wrong relationships even though I know from the start that it’s wrong. I pushed it through thinking that eventually everything will all come back to where they should be. Being in that situation feels like purchasing the wrong replacement parts for your gadget. No matter how they guarantee that they are made to last and that they are made from top quality materials, if they are not compatible with your device, consider your money to go to the trash.

Coward

                I have to say that I lacked the courage to admit it to myself that I was in love with my friend all along. I had this useless notion that the first one to have feelings for the other person is always the loser. I have always regarded sentiment as a very harmful distraction; thus, even though I felt that for a moment I felt my heart skip, my face light up for him and my eyes twinkle when I look at him, I disregarded them all and never entertained the idea that I was falling for him in the first place. That is the biggest regret of my life. If I just became more courageous to own my feelings, I would have been happier.

Distracted

                I am a self confessed technology addict, if there is such a thing. I spend my entire day scouting and searching for kick-ass mobile accessories, from cell phone cases to USB cables, etc. At first I thought I was just being true to myself, true to my passions by chasing what my heart desires. But later on, I realized that the most important things in life are not the material things.

                Mistakes are not all the time bad. If you think about it, you’ll see that they are just steps to make you learn your lessons.

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